Still November

2 11 2018

The year is 2016, the month November. Weather is nice. Wasn’t the hell summer yet. Me, an ordinary guy, had been decided to go out for a beer, at some pub in the city. It was a holiday here and I wanted to surprise myself with life.

Another regular guy was recently arrived from Belgium, the objective it has to visit his cousin. It was his second or third time in ‘Tupiniquins’ lands. São Paulo isn’t the most touristic of the cities of Brazil but had his charm and it will be a kind of a vacation for him, after a complex mission at work.

In the same bar, at a temperature of about 29 ° C and some wind, in the center of São Paulo, me and this guy exchanged the eye looks, smiles, words, smoke, similarities, differences, telephones, hugs and kisses. He originally speaks french, my dream language. We set up a new meeting, then we met.

I had never heard about Belgium before, but I surrendered myself into the blue of his eyes in the first moments of our second date. I fell in love without precautions or fears. I just jumped with him in something without a name.

My routine it was sucking at that time. I had to go to work and after a few days with him, I let him in my recent apartment, just saying : I’ll be back soon Mon prince. Walking by under the building, in the avenue on my commute to work, I saw the balcony of 65A apartment. The floor it was the sixth, two before the top. The neighborhood? The ‘nothing-glamorous’ suburb of São Paulo, south zone, periferia.

The mornings usually to start hot but agreeable. I stoped to light up a cigarette, and I saw him waving for me and smiling. My heart surrenders to him again. In the memory? His skin, his smells.

In the subway, on the way to work, the only thing that I wanted it was to protect him from all the bad things in the world. Life has gained a new meaning for me. I want that he wants to stay, with me, but I didn’t want to scare him with my intensity.

I want that our relation had been worked, even if it looks a little too risky and impossible.

Life goes on. Many things happened. Expectations go away too far, by my own. The reality of a separation by work, make scarce the possibilities for something that had just been borned, but didn’t have time to be raised, developed… eye to eye, skin to skin.

The year of 2017 takes his course. If I could name him, it might be something between waiting and deep love. Actually, he didn’t want to take responsibility, I just wanted to love him. I was up to find a way to make it possible, and make he doesn’t give up of us.

I never wanted his bad. I still do not want to. We split up, kissing each other, saying thay we were just two ‘cool guys’ who deserved to be happy. Period.

… The year is 2018, I had the possibility of falling in love by his country, in the first months, and I completely found myself there. Among the cold streets of Brussels, looking for the sun light to warm up my hands, in the end of a sunny winter. But I had to go back for home, and I find so hard to find myself away from him, or the possibility of still making him interesting in me.

Well, It’s November again. It’s a new year, 2018, I know. Although I’m still feeling some connection with him, even don’t knowing barely nothing about his life – maybe he got married, who knows? I’m living a great time of my life, but sometimes still wanting for a miracle that puts me back on time, to look of his eyes again.

Do you know, it’s still November. I’m still looking daily for the balcony of 65A apartament – I haven’t lived there for a long time – but everytime I saw it, rejoices me to see that place and in a some way comforts my heart, to know the good memories that me and him, ‘Mon eternal, printed in the atmosphere of that place.

Wait, this place. The same for me.

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